Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
