He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
