wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
