fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
