I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
