I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
