where's my purse there's an important taco in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two words: blizzard sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
