all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
