I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
