for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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