You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
