I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
