I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
