It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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