Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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