Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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