well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
