Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
