I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
