shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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