he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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