I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
