Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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