You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
