You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
