Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
