So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
