I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
