Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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