I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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