i think my tv is drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
