You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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