I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
