I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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