I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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