am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Duck Duck Cougar?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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