he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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