I hate your face
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
