Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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