The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
