I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
