I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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