thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
