I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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