There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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