I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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