I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
