Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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