I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
