Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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