IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
