:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
