you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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