Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
