My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize