70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
