Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
