There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
