There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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