Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
