he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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