I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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