the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
