There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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