i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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