omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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