It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
