today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
