Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Never underestimate the power of titties
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
