Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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