dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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