smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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