I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
