Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
