Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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